F*** My Life

chipotle

i grow stuff
Coldplayer
Joined
Sep 23, 2008
Messages
739
HIPEHOM

H-Hardcore.
I-Intelligent. All hardcore peeps be intelligent.
P-People. You gotta be people to be hardcore.
E-Ego. You gotta know you better than the posers.
H-Hardcore. The more the better.
O-(Get)Over(It)-Y'all can't sweat none of the small stuff. If someone don't like you, they a poser. Get over it.
M-Manly. Y'all gotta be manly to be hardcore. None of this COLD GAMES poser music. James Blunt. He's hardcore homies.

FML
 

chipotle

i grow stuff
Coldplayer
Joined
Sep 23, 2008
Messages
739
Just a tad? That's not so bad.

It still makes sense, but just to me apparently.
I failed. Ah well.
 

Plug_in_coldplaying

5:2 Hurts Like Heaven
Coldplayer
Joined
Dec 10, 2005
Messages
25,267
Fuck my life

No, it's not a suicidal rant like you thought it might have been.

Found this website, with some absolutely phenomenal stories. Gems.

Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

And one which does not surprise me in the slightest...

Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML







Today, my mom : "You and your dad like all the same foods right? Try this for me", she then proceeds to give me a strawberry flavored jelly. I say that it tastes good and ask what she gave me. "It's my new nipple cream, I want to surprise your dad tonight." FML

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML

Today, my husband dropped me off at work, ten minutes later I got a text saying" I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said he "I dont know what youre talking about Megan". My name isnt Megan, not even close. FML

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy a**holes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
 

The Mad Hatter

the least you could do
Coldplayer
Joined
Feb 23, 2006
Messages
13,404
Today, I went to online to find out why my midterm grade is for my least favorite class Psychology. After weeks upon weeks of studying and doing work for a class I hate I found out that I have a zero in the class. Turns out I've been going to the wrong psychology class all semester. FML
A lot of people commented about how the profs take attendance, but my dad never takes attendance with his college classes. xD
 

twin4life

New Coldplayer
Coldplayer
Joined
Aug 20, 2003
Messages
8,037
hahaha my sister showed me this site the other day, it's hilarious
 

chipotle

i grow stuff
Coldplayer
Joined
Sep 23, 2008
Messages
739
Haha, the Darwin awards are funny. It was new to me, so thank you! It's a good thing that we're so stupid :)

I have spent some time with the Mindfuck Pictures lately.
Quite funny but I'm far too impatient. The idea, if you haven't heard of them, is to look for something weird in a picture that seems to be normal.
http://shitbrix.com/mindfuck/29-white-pen0r-br-br-black-feet-br-br-d

EDIT: Oh no, why did I post that one. It's not at all representative of the site. Look at this one in stead.
http://shitbrix.com/mindfuck/357-the-picture-is-turned
 

Crests

tiger! fire! cyber!
Coldplayer
Joined
Feb 23, 2009
Messages
150,813
FMYLIFE

has anyone else been on this site? its hilarious.


Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML
Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML
Today, I went to the Doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML
Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML
Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML
 
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