George Carlin's take on sex...very funny!!

musiclover · 26-02-2004, 06:40 PM

this monologue just came-up on my yahoo launchcast radio, so i thot may be someone, somewhere, wrote it all down. i was right! just one search on google came up with a 'load' of this...enjoy!

but beware, it's really really Rated-R, NOT FOR CHILDREN!

if you get offended by explicit sexual words, you should not read further!

(although i've seen Ian use the f-word in here a lot! lol) and others use it too....but i'm just doing a cut-and-paste job below...

musiclover · 26-02-2004, 06:42 PM

http://www.conspiracyplanet.com/chan...tid=554&page=1

Rockets and Penises in the Persian Gulf
George Carlin

History Lesson - I'd like to talk a little about that 'war' we had in the
Persian Gulf. Remember that? The big war in the Persian Gulf? Lemme tell you
what was goin' on.

Naturally, you can forget all that entertaining fiction about having to
defend the model democracy those lucky Kuwaitis get to live under. And for
the moment you can also put aside the very real, periodic need Americans
have for testing their new weapons on human flesh. And also, just for the
fun of it, let's ignore George Bush Sr.'s obligation to protect the oil
interests of his family and friends. There was another, much more important,
consideration at work. Here's what really happened.

Dropping a Load for Uncle Sam.

The simple fact is that America was long overdue to drop high explosives on
helpless civilians; people who have no argument with us whatsoever. After
all, it had been awhile, and the hunger gnaws. Remember that's our
specialty: picking on countries that have marginally effective air forces.

Yugoslavia is another, more recent example.

Surfing Unnecessary

But all that aside, let me tell you what I liked about that Gulf War: it was
the first war that appeared on every television channel, including cable.

And even though the TV show consisted largely of Pentagon war criminals
displaying maps and charts, it got very good ratings. And that makes sense,
because we like war. We're a warlike people. We can't stand not to be
fucking with someone. We couldn't wait for the Cold War to end so we could
climb into the big Arab sandbox and play with our nice new toys. We enjoy
war.

And one reason we enjoy it is that we're good at it. You know why we're good
at it? Because we get alot of practice. This country is only 200 years old,
and already we've had ten major wars. We average a major war every twenty
years, So we're good at it!

And it's just as well we are, because we're not very good at anything else.
Can't build a decent car anymore. Can't make a TV set, a cell phone, or a
VCR. Got no steel industry left. No textiles. Can't educate our young
people. Can't get health care to our old people. But we can bomb the shit
outta your country, all right. We can bomb the shit outta your country!

If You're Brown, You're Goin Down

Especially if your country is full of brown people. Oh, we like that, don't
we? That's our hobby now. But it's also our new job in the world: bombing
brown people. Iraq, Panama, Grenada, Libya. You got some brown people in
your country? Tell 'em to watch the fuck out, or we'll goddamn bomb them!

Well, who were the last white people you can remember that we bombed? In
fact, can you remember any white people we ever bombed? The Germans! That's
it! Those are the only ones. And that was only because they were tryin' to
cut in on our action. They wanted to dominate the world.

Bullshit! That's our job. That's our fuckin' job.

But the Germans are ancient history. These days, we only bomb brown people.
And not because they're cutting in our action; we do it because they're
brown. Even those Serbs we bombed in Yugoslavia aren't really white, are
they? Naaah! They're sort of down near the swarthy end of the white
spectrum. Just brown enough to bomb. I'm still waiting for the day we bomb
the English. People who really deserve it.

A Disobediant American

Now you folks might've noticed, I don't feel about that Gulf War the way we
were instructed to feel about it by the United States government. My mind
doesn't work that way. You see, I've got this real moron thing I do, it's
called 'Thinking'. And I guess I'm not a very good American, because I like
to form my own opinions; I don't just roll over when I'm told. Most
Americans roll over on command. Not me, There are certain rules I observe.

Believe You Me

My first rule: Never believe what anyone in authority says. None of them.
Government, Police, clergy, the corporate criminals. None of them. And
neither do I believe anything I'm told by the media, who, in the case of the
Gulf War, functioned as little more than unpaid employees of the Defense
Department, and who, most of the time, operate as unofficial public
relations agency for the government and industry.

I don't believe in any of them. And I have to tell you, folks, I don't
really believe very much in my country either. I don't get all choked up
about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave
them to the symbol-minded.

Show us your Dick

I also look at war itself a little differently from most. I see it largely
as an exercise in dick-waving. That's really all it is: alot of men standing
around in a field waving their dicks at one another. Men, insecure abuot the
size of their penises, choose to kill one another.

That's also what all that moron athlete bullshit is all about, and what that
macho, male posturing and strutting around in bars and locker rooms
represents. It's called 'dick fear.' Men are terrified that their dicks are
inadequate, and so they have to 'compete' in order to feel better about
themselves. And since war is the ultimate competition, essentially men are
killing one another in order to improve their genital self-esteem.

You needn't be a historian or a political scientist to see the Bigger Dick
Foreign Policy Theory at work. It goes like this: 'What? They have bigger
dicks? Bomb them!' And of course, the bombs, the rockets, and the bullets
are all shaped like penises. Phallic weapons. There's an unconscious need to
project the national penis into the affairs of others. It's called 'fucking
with people'

Show us your Bush

So as far as I'm concerned, that whole thing in the Persian Gulf was nothing
more than one big dick-waving cockfight.

In this particular case, Saddam Hussein questioned the size of George Bush's
dick. And George Bush had been called a wimp for so long, he apparently felt
the need to act out his manhood fantasies by sending America's white
children to kill other people's brown children.

Clearly the worst kind of wimp.

Even his name, 'Bush', as slang, is related to the genitals without being
the genitals.

A bush is sort of a passive, secondary sex characteristic. It's even used as
a slang term for women: 'Hey, pal, how's the bush in this area?'

I can't help thinking, if this president's name had been George
Boner...well, he might have felt a little better about himself, and he
wouldn't have had to kill all those children. Too bad he couldn't locate his
manhood.

Premature Extraction

Actually, when you think about it, this country has had a manhood problem
for some time. You can tell the language we use; language always gives us
away. What did we do wrong in Vietnam? We 'pulled out'! Not a very manly
thing to do. No. When you're fucking people, you're supposed to stay with it
and fuck them good; fuck them to death; hang in there and keep fucking them
until they're all fucking dead.

But in Vietnam what happened was by accident we left a few women and
children alive, and we haven't felt good about ourselves since.

That's why in the Persian Gulf, George Bush had to say, 'This will not be
another Vietnam.' He actually said, 'this time we're going all the way.'

Imagine. An American president using the sexual slang of a thirteen-year-old
to describe his foreign policy.

And, of course, when it got right down to it, he didn't 'go all the way.'
Faced with going into Baghdad he punked out. No balls. Just Bush.

Instead, he applied sanctions, so he'd be sure that an extra half a million
brown children would die. And so his oil buddies could continue to fill
their pockets.

If you want to know what happened in the Persian Gulf, just remember the
first names of the two men who ran that war: Dick Cheney and Colin Powell.

Dick and Colon.

Someone got fucked in the ass.

And those brown people better make sure they keep their pants on, because
Dick and Colin have come back for an encore.

musiclover · 26-02-2004, 06:45 PM

certainly, Weedy would agree with George Carlin about how 'men' (and not women) like to fight wars!

musiclover · 26-02-2004, 07:00 PM

musiclover · 26-02-2004, 08:05 PM

apparently nobody found this funny!

LiquidSky · 26-02-2004, 08:12 PM

I was gonna read it but it's too long...me lazy today..... :/

musiclover · 26-02-2004, 09:38 PM

i guess everyone in here is too lazy to read that long!

el_scorcho · 26-02-2004, 10:49 PM

I'm a kiddo and didn't read it.

musiclover · 26-02-2004, 10:52 PM

come on! you probably go see all those movies which have worse actions and dialogue!

el_scorcho · 26-02-2004, 10:53 PM

Very true...to be perfectly honest I'm just way too lazy to read that whole thing right now. But I will eventually!

musiclover · 26-02-2004, 10:54 PM

you can give it a start...the thing practically reads itself!

el_scorcho · 26-02-2004, 10:57 PM

Yeah but it's like 2 years long

musiclover · 26-02-2004, 11:07 PM

musiclover · 26-02-2004, 11:12 PM

noni's one is long too...!

el_scorcho · 26-02-2004, 11:13 PM

Yes but it's about sex

26-02-2004, 06:40 PM	#1
musiclover Coldplayer Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 7,932 Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	George Carlin's take on sex...very funny!! this monologue just came-up on my yahoo launchcast radio, so i thot may be someone, somewhere, wrote it all down. i was right! just one search on google came up with a 'load' of this...enjoy! but beware, it's really really Rated-R, NOT FOR CHILDREN! if you get offended by explicit sexual words, you should not read further! (although i've seen Ian use the f-word in here a lot! lol) and others use it too....but i'm just doing a cut-and-paste job below... __________________ \"Sleep she comes to steal the ones who Fill their glass and leave the rest Whose teeth get brushed, who eat enough And know how to treat their friends\" http://www.devonsproule.com/listen.html so sweet! I just discovered this awesome young beautiful and talented artist!

26-02-2004, 06:42 PM	#2
musiclover Coldplayer Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 7,932 Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	http://www.conspiracyplanet.com/chan...tid=554&page=1 Rockets and Penises in the Persian Gulf George Carlin History Lesson - I'd like to talk a little about that 'war' we had in the Persian Gulf. Remember that? The big war in the Persian Gulf? Lemme tell you what was goin' on. Naturally, you can forget all that entertaining fiction about having to defend the model democracy those lucky Kuwaitis get to live under. And for the moment you can also put aside the very real, periodic need Americans have for testing their new weapons on human flesh. And also, just for the fun of it, let's ignore George Bush Sr.'s obligation to protect the oil interests of his family and friends. There was another, much more important, consideration at work. Here's what really happened. Dropping a Load for Uncle Sam. The simple fact is that America was long overdue to drop high explosives on helpless civilians; people who have no argument with us whatsoever. After all, it had been awhile, and the hunger gnaws. Remember that's our specialty: picking on countries that have marginally effective air forces. Yugoslavia is another, more recent example. Surfing Unnecessary But all that aside, let me tell you what I liked about that Gulf War: it was the first war that appeared on every television channel, including cable. And even though the TV show consisted largely of Pentagon war criminals displaying maps and charts, it got very good ratings. And that makes sense, because we like war. We're a warlike people. We can't stand not to be fucking with someone. We couldn't wait for the Cold War to end so we could climb into the big Arab sandbox and play with our nice new toys. We enjoy war. And one reason we enjoy it is that we're good at it. You know why we're good at it? Because we get alot of practice. This country is only 200 years old, and already we've had ten major wars. We average a major war every twenty years, So we're good at it! And it's just as well we are, because we're not very good at anything else. Can't build a decent car anymore. Can't make a TV set, a cell phone, or a VCR. Got no steel industry left. No textiles. Can't educate our young people. Can't get health care to our old people. But we can bomb the shit outta your country, all right. We can bomb the shit outta your country! If You're Brown, You're Goin Down Especially if your country is full of brown people. Oh, we like that, don't we? That's our hobby now. But it's also our new job in the world: bombing brown people. Iraq, Panama, Grenada, Libya. You got some brown people in your country? Tell 'em to watch the fuck out, or we'll goddamn bomb them! Well, who were the last white people you can remember that we bombed? In fact, can you remember any white people we ever bombed? The Germans! That's it! Those are the only ones. And that was only because they were tryin' to cut in on our action. They wanted to dominate the world. Bullshit! That's our job. That's our fuckin' job. But the Germans are ancient history. These days, we only bomb brown people. And not because they're cutting in our action; we do it because they're brown. Even those Serbs we bombed in Yugoslavia aren't really white, are they? Naaah! They're sort of down near the swarthy end of the white spectrum. Just brown enough to bomb. I'm still waiting for the day we bomb the English. People who really deserve it. A Disobediant American Now you folks might've noticed, I don't feel about that Gulf War the way we were instructed to feel about it by the United States government. My mind doesn't work that way. You see, I've got this real moron thing I do, it's called 'Thinking'. And I guess I'm not a very good American, because I like to form my own opinions; I don't just roll over when I'm told. Most Americans roll over on command. Not me, There are certain rules I observe. Believe You Me My first rule: Never believe what anyone in authority says. None of them. Government, Police, clergy, the corporate criminals. None of them. And neither do I believe anything I'm told by the media, who, in the case of the Gulf War, functioned as little more than unpaid employees of the Defense Department, and who, most of the time, operate as unofficial public relations agency for the government and industry. I don't believe in any of them. And I have to tell you, folks, I don't really believe very much in my country either. I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded. Show us your Dick I also look at war itself a little differently from most. I see it largely as an exercise in dick-waving. That's really all it is: alot of men standing around in a field waving their dicks at one another. Men, insecure abuot the size of their penises, choose to kill one another. That's also what all that moron athlete bullshit is all about, and what that macho, male posturing and strutting around in bars and locker rooms represents. It's called 'dick fear.' Men are terrified that their dicks are inadequate, and so they have to 'compete' in order to feel better about themselves. And since war is the ultimate competition, essentially men are killing one another in order to improve their genital self-esteem. You needn't be a historian or a political scientist to see the Bigger Dick Foreign Policy Theory at work. It goes like this: 'What? They have bigger dicks? Bomb them!' And of course, the bombs, the rockets, and the bullets are all shaped like penises. Phallic weapons. There's an unconscious need to project the national penis into the affairs of others. It's called 'fucking with people' Show us your Bush So as far as I'm concerned, that whole thing in the Persian Gulf was nothing more than one big dick-waving cockfight. In this particular case, Saddam Hussein questioned the size of George Bush's dick. And George Bush had been called a wimp for so long, he apparently felt the need to act out his manhood fantasies by sending America's white children to kill other people's brown children. Clearly the worst kind of wimp. Even his name, 'Bush', as slang, is related to the genitals without being the genitals. A bush is sort of a passive, secondary sex characteristic. It's even used as a slang term for women: 'Hey, pal, how's the bush in this area?' I can't help thinking, if this president's name had been George Boner...well, he might have felt a little better about himself, and he wouldn't have had to kill all those children. Too bad he couldn't locate his manhood. Premature Extraction Actually, when you think about it, this country has had a manhood problem for some time. You can tell the language we use; language always gives us away. What did we do wrong in Vietnam? We 'pulled out'! Not a very manly thing to do. No. When you're fucking people, you're supposed to stay with it and fuck them good; fuck them to death; hang in there and keep fucking them until they're all fucking dead. But in Vietnam what happened was by accident we left a few women and children alive, and we haven't felt good about ourselves since. That's why in the Persian Gulf, George Bush had to say, 'This will not be another Vietnam.' He actually said, 'this time we're going all the way.' Imagine. An American president using the sexual slang of a thirteen-year-old to describe his foreign policy. And, of course, when it got right down to it, he didn't 'go all the way.' Faced with going into Baghdad he punked out. No balls. Just Bush. Instead, he applied sanctions, so he'd be sure that an extra half a million brown children would die. And so his oil buddies could continue to fill their pockets. If you want to know what happened in the Persian Gulf, just remember the first names of the two men who ran that war: Dick Cheney and Colin Powell. Dick and Colon. Someone got fucked in the ass. And those brown people better make sure they keep their pants on, because Dick and Colin have come back for an encore. __________________ \"Sleep she comes to steal the ones who Fill their glass and leave the rest Whose teeth get brushed, who eat enough And know how to treat their friends\" http://www.devonsproule.com/listen.html so sweet! I just discovered this awesome young beautiful and talented artist!

26-02-2004, 06:45 PM	#3
musiclover Coldplayer Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 7,932 Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	certainly, Weedy would agree with George Carlin about how 'men' (and not women) like to fight wars! __________________ \"Sleep she comes to steal the ones who Fill their glass and leave the rest Whose teeth get brushed, who eat enough And know how to treat their friends\" http://www.devonsproule.com/listen.html so sweet! I just discovered this awesome young beautiful and talented artist!

26-02-2004, 07:00 PM	#4
musiclover Coldplayer Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 7,932 Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	__________________ \"Sleep she comes to steal the ones who Fill their glass and leave the rest Whose teeth get brushed, who eat enough And know how to treat their friends\" http://www.devonsproule.com/listen.html so sweet! I just discovered this awesome young beautiful and talented artist!

26-02-2004, 08:05 PM	#5
musiclover Coldplayer Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 7,932 Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	apparently nobody found this funny! __________________ \"Sleep she comes to steal the ones who Fill their glass and leave the rest Whose teeth get brushed, who eat enough And know how to treat their friends\" http://www.devonsproule.com/listen.html so sweet! I just discovered this awesome young beautiful and talented artist!

26-02-2004, 08:12 PM	#6
LiquidSky >.< Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 43,840 My Mood: Location: Skyrocket To Mars Gender: Chat posts: 5 Thanks given: 64 Thanked 51 Times in 35 Posts	I was gonna read it but it's too long...me lazy today..... :/ __________________

26-02-2004, 09:38 PM	#7
musiclover Coldplayer Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 7,932 Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	i guess everyone in here is too lazy to read that long! __________________ \"Sleep she comes to steal the ones who Fill their glass and leave the rest Whose teeth get brushed, who eat enough And know how to treat their friends\" http://www.devonsproule.com/listen.html so sweet! I just discovered this awesome young beautiful and talented artist!

26-02-2004, 10:49 PM	#8
el_scorcho Coldplayer Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 14,718 Location: Nova Scotia, Canada Gender: Country: Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	I'm a kiddo and didn't read it. __________________ Where do you live Love is a place Where are you from She says, ask yourself ask anyone What's holding up her face Nothing but blue skies Passageways the mind's eye contemplates ::: Jessica :::

26-02-2004, 10:52 PM	#9
musiclover Coldplayer Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 7,932 Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	come on! you probably go see all those movies which have worse actions and dialogue! __________________ \"Sleep she comes to steal the ones who Fill their glass and leave the rest Whose teeth get brushed, who eat enough And know how to treat their friends\" http://www.devonsproule.com/listen.html so sweet! I just discovered this awesome young beautiful and talented artist!

26-02-2004, 10:53 PM	#10
el_scorcho Coldplayer Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 14,718 Location: Nova Scotia, Canada Gender: Country: Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Very true...to be perfectly honest I'm just way too lazy to read that whole thing right now. But I will eventually! __________________ Where do you live Love is a place Where are you from She says, ask yourself ask anyone What's holding up her face Nothing but blue skies Passageways the mind's eye contemplates ::: Jessica :::

26-02-2004, 10:54 PM	#11
musiclover Coldplayer Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 7,932 Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	you can give it a start...the thing practically reads itself! __________________ \"Sleep she comes to steal the ones who Fill their glass and leave the rest Whose teeth get brushed, who eat enough And know how to treat their friends\" http://www.devonsproule.com/listen.html so sweet! I just discovered this awesome young beautiful and talented artist!

26-02-2004, 10:57 PM	#12
el_scorcho Coldplayer Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 14,718 Location: Nova Scotia, Canada Gender: Country: Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Yeah but it's like 2 years long __________________ Where do you live Love is a place Where are you from She says, ask yourself ask anyone What's holding up her face Nothing but blue skies Passageways the mind's eye contemplates ::: Jessica :::

26-02-2004, 11:07 PM	#13
musiclover Coldplayer Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 7,932 Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	__________________ \"Sleep she comes to steal the ones who Fill their glass and leave the rest Whose teeth get brushed, who eat enough And know how to treat their friends\" http://www.devonsproule.com/listen.html so sweet! I just discovered this awesome young beautiful and talented artist!

26-02-2004, 11:12 PM	#14
musiclover Coldplayer Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 7,932 Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	noni's one is long too...! __________________ \"Sleep she comes to steal the ones who Fill their glass and leave the rest Whose teeth get brushed, who eat enough And know how to treat their friends\" http://www.devonsproule.com/listen.html so sweet! I just discovered this awesome young beautiful and talented artist!

26-02-2004, 11:13 PM	#15
el_scorcho Coldplayer Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 14,718 Location: Nova Scotia, Canada Gender: Country: Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Yes but it's about sex __________________ Where do you live Love is a place Where are you from She says, ask yourself ask anyone What's holding up her face Nothing but blue skies Passageways the mind's eye contemplates ::: Jessica :::