is it possible to be "just friends" after 2 years?

Professor Peedston · 13-10-2003, 09:53 PM

this girl i've been going out with for two years (and with whom i have been best friends for even longer than that) recently broke up with me. now she's talking to me again, saying she still wants to be friends. with any other girl i'd just blow it off, say "yeah, me too," and then never talk to her again. but this girl is special to me, and she was special to me long before we were officially "together" or whatever. so i know she honestly means it (unlike what a lot of my friends who don't know me or her that well are telling me), and i would like to be friends too. i just don't know if i could handle being "just friends" with her, or if i'd constantly be killing myself wishing for more than that again. things could become especially problematic when she starts seeing other guys again.

so i'm asking this here, not because i need your help in making the decision (because obviously i know more about this than you), but just because i'm curious as to what you think. obviously it's more complicated than just "yes" or "no," that's why you can post to explain it better.

LiquidSky · 13-10-2003, 10:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom Peed
this girl i've been going out with for two years (and with whom i have been best friends for even longer than that) recently broke up with me. now she's talking to me again, saying she still wants to be friends. with any other girl i'd just blow it off, say "yeah, me too," and then never talk to her again. but this girl is special to me, and she was special to me long before we were officially "together" or whatever. so i know she honestly means it (unlike what a lot of my friends who don't know me or her that well are telling me), and i would like to be friends too. i just don't know if i could handle being "just friends" with her, or if i'd constantly be killing myself wishing for more than that again. things could become especially problematic when she starts seeing other guys again.

so i'm asking this here, not because i need your help in making the decision (because obviously i know more about this than you), but just because i'm curious as to what you think. obviously it's more complicated than just "yes" or "no," that's why you can post to explain it better.

well I'm not very goodd in this "love" thing... but If you know she means it, why not stay friends with her? maybe along the way she might feel the need to get back with you like you do with her.... and if after a while of being just friends and you can't handle that anymore then just simply be honest with her and tell her... I'm sure she'll understand...

DoogieJ · 14-10-2003, 12:41 AM

Tom, from personal experience after having an 18 month relationship end....no matter how much you think you can't imagine life without her in it in some form, you need time space and distance apart. I broke up with my ex, and we said we'd be friends, i still wanted more, and so to begin with it was hard being friends, then she met someone else...I couldnt cope with this and it became why him, why not me...we argued, rowed...and then never spoke for 7 months...after those 7 months, she contacted me, we spoke gradually, and the friendship reformed...without the bitterness of before, I'd moved on, i didn't care about her that way anymore...

But to be friends straight away? That's impossible, you need to just cut her out...like you say, how will you cope being friends when she meets someone else...unless you are truely over her, you wont cope, trust me..it will hurt like hell

Eventually though, it will be good, but you need to move on...get closure as they say...

You may think this is all shite, but this is a poll, thus my opinion

Btw I voted yes to you can be friends..afterall I managed to, but its very hard to do it right away.

Hope that helps some.

rf_ucsd · 14-10-2003, 12:53 AM

You can only be friends with an ex if you're in a relationshpi wit another person. Otherwise, the intimacy bred by friendship will only remind you of the sanctuary of the relationship you had.

So I voted no. I've been in this situation 3 times. It might be only me, but if you ever felt close to the other person intimacy will only remind you of those times.

Jewelee · 14-10-2003, 01:49 AM

hmm, id say yes if you are mature about the relationship and you can move on, but it's hard being friends with someone you love very much so i would give it a while and distance myself from her and meet other people and then slowly start talking to her again.

Professor Peedston · 14-10-2003, 03:14 AM

yeah, i guess that's one thing i forgot to mention, we pretty much agreed right off the bat that we're not going to see each other for awhile. i've never been in a situation where i actually wanted to keep in touch with an ex, but even i knew that was for the best.

anyway, thanks for all of your thoughts! it's interesting to hear other people's experiences with it, because i get so caught up in thinking about myself that i forget that what may apply to me may not apply to everybody else (sounds obvious, i know)

here's a weird observation: every "real" relationship i've ever had (which admittedly could be counted on one hand) has started with the girl chasing me and ended the other way around. am i prone to becoming too dependant and wanting to stay in the relationship more out of safety and familiarity than because i had any feelings for these girls? (i know for a fact that isn't the case with this most recent one, but it certailny poses an interesting question anyway)

rf_ucsd · 14-10-2003, 03:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom Peed
yeah, i guess that's one thing i forgot to mention, we pretty much agreed right off the bat that we're not going to see each other for awhile. i've never been in a situation where i actually wanted to keep in touch with an ex, but even i knew that was for the best.

anyway, thanks for all of your thoughts! it's interesting to hear other people's experiences with it, because i get so caught up in thinking about myself that i forget that what may apply to me may not apply to everybody else (sounds obvious, i know)

here's a weird observation: every "real" relationship i've ever had (which admittedly could be counted on one hand) has started with the girl chasing me and ended the other way around. am i prone to becoming too dependant and wanting to stay in the relationship more out of safety and familiarity than because i had any feelings for these girls? (i know for a fact that isn't the case with this most recent one, but it certailny poses an interesting question anyway)

Re: the last paragraph ...

that's not just you. that's EVERYBODY. the problem is that there's a reason the relationship ended in the first place. this is not to say all relationshpis, once ended, are over for good. but the security and confidence you get from a relationshpi can not be garnered anywhere else. however, people in a bad relationshpis tend to loose parts of themselves as they start adapting their personalities in efforts to confort to their partner. that shouldn't happen.

girlstar · 14-10-2003, 07:32 AM

I couldn't even be just friends with a guy I liked for little more than oh, 3 weeks!

noni · 17-10-2003, 02:29 AM

It depends about the end of the relationship, of course...
But, for my experience, I vote 'yes'. I've been with a guy for more than 4 years and now we're still friends.

Leaver · 17-10-2003, 09:37 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by girlstar
I couldn't even be just friends with a guy I liked for little more than oh, 3 weeks!

LiquidSky · 18-10-2003, 07:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom Peed
yeah, i guess that's one thing i forgot to mention, we pretty much agreed right off the bat that we're not going to see each other for awhile. i've never been in a situation where i actually wanted to keep in touch with an ex, but even i knew that was for the best.

anyway, thanks for all of your thoughts! it's interesting to hear other people's experiences with it, because i get so caught up in thinking about myself that i forget that what may apply to me may not apply to everybody else (sounds obvious, i know)

here's a weird observation: every "real" relationship i've ever had (which admittedly could be counted on one hand) has started with the girl chasing me and ended the other way around. am i prone to becoming too dependant and wanting to stay in the relationship more out of safety and familiarity than because i had any feelings for these girls? (i know for a fact that isn't the case with this most recent one, but it certailny poses an interesting question anyway)

well I hope you feel better...

Sweet One · 27-10-2003, 10:51 PM

I'm good good friends with my most recent ex. I talk to him every night and it's going well....so far..... :/

Mojo Pin · 28-10-2003, 01:11 AM

my ex wants me to die.. :/

mycdplayerisbroke · 28-10-2003, 02:29 AM

hahahahhahahahhaha

LiquidSky · 28-10-2003, 03:39 PM

how harsh of them to say!

13-10-2003, 09:53 PM	#1
Professor Peedston Coldplayer Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 8,126 Location: West Philadelphia Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	is it possible to be "just friends" after 2 years? this girl i've been going out with for two years (and with whom i have been best friends for even longer than that) recently broke up with me. now she's talking to me again, saying she still wants to be friends. with any other girl i'd just blow it off, say "yeah, me too," and then never talk to her again. but this girl is special to me, and she was special to me long before we were officially "together" or whatever. so i know she honestly means it (unlike what a lot of my friends who don't know me or her that well are telling me), and i would like to be friends too. i just don't know if i could handle being "just friends" with her, or if i'd constantly be killing myself wishing for more than that again. things could become especially problematic when she starts seeing other guys again. so i'm asking this here, not because i need your help in making the decision (because obviously i know more about this than you), but just because i'm curious as to what you think. obviously it's more complicated than just "yes" or "no," that's why you can post to explain it better. __________________ MY NAME IS TOM STOP I LIKE MUSIC AND BRIGHT RED SHOES STOP THIS INTERNET TELEGRAM SERVICE IS WONDERFUL STOP END

13-10-2003, 10:19 PM	#2
LiquidSky >.< Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 43,820 My Mood: Location: Skyrocket To Mars Gender: Chat posts: 4 Thanks given: 63 Thanked 49 Times in 34 Posts	Re: is it possible to be "just friends" after 2 ye Quote: Originally Posted by Tom Peed this girl i've been going out with for two years (and with whom i have been best friends for even longer than that) recently broke up with me. now she's talking to me again, saying she still wants to be friends. with any other girl i'd just blow it off, say "yeah, me too," and then never talk to her again. but this girl is special to me, and she was special to me long before we were officially "together" or whatever. so i know she honestly means it (unlike what a lot of my friends who don't know me or her that well are telling me), and i would like to be friends too. i just don't know if i could handle being "just friends" with her, or if i'd constantly be killing myself wishing for more than that again. things could become especially problematic when she starts seeing other guys again. so i'm asking this here, not because i need your help in making the decision (because obviously i know more about this than you), but just because i'm curious as to what you think. obviously it's more complicated than just "yes" or "no," that's why you can post to explain it better. well I'm not very goodd in this "love" thing... but If you know she means it, why not stay friends with her? maybe along the way she might feel the need to get back with you like you do with her.... and if after a while of being just friends and you can't handle that anymore then just simply be honest with her and tell her... I'm sure she'll understand... __________________

14-10-2003, 12:41 AM	#3
DoogieJ Coldplayer Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 3,164 Location: Guildford avec Hicksy Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Tom, from personal experience after having an 18 month relationship end....no matter how much you think you can't imagine life without her in it in some form, you need time space and distance apart. I broke up with my ex, and we said we'd be friends, i still wanted more, and so to begin with it was hard being friends, then she met someone else...I couldnt cope with this and it became why him, why not me...we argued, rowed...and then never spoke for 7 months...after those 7 months, she contacted me, we spoke gradually, and the friendship reformed...without the bitterness of before, I'd moved on, i didn't care about her that way anymore... But to be friends straight away? That's impossible, you need to just cut her out...like you say, how will you cope being friends when she meets someone else...unless you are truely over her, you wont cope, trust me..it will hurt like hell Eventually though, it will be good, but you need to move on...get closure as they say... You may think this is all shite, but this is a poll, thus my opinion Btw I voted yes to you can be friends..afterall I managed to, but its very hard to do it right away. Hope that helps some. __________________ Jewel is my little Cheesecake Can\'t stop the feeling when I need you, this life is more than just a read through. Nothing truly matters, but ultimately, everything is important. Try to remember that.

14-10-2003, 12:53 AM	#4
rf_ucsd Coldplayer Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 5,286 Location: San Diego Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	You can only be friends with an ex if you're in a relationshpi wit another person. Otherwise, the intimacy bred by friendship will only remind you of the sanctuary of the relationship you had. So I voted no. I've been in this situation 3 times. It might be only me, but if you ever felt close to the other person intimacy will only remind you of those times. __________________ \"There\'s a space in between / There\'s a space where we meet / Where I end and you begin / I\'m sorry for us / The dinosaurs walk the earth / The sky turns green / Where I end and you begin\" \"I don\'t know / Why you bother / Nothing\'s every good enough for you / I was there / It wasn\'t like that / You came here just to start a fight\" \"No I\'ll never get into your heart / I wouldn\'t know where to start / Never get into your heart / I\'m just happy to hang around / Happy to hang around\" \"Love boat captain take the reins / And lead us towards the cliff / I know it\'s all been said before / Can\'t be said enough / Love is all you need / All you need is love\" \"Mandy\"

14-10-2003, 01:49 AM	#5
Jewelee Coldplayer Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 837 Location: south florida Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	hmm, id say yes if you are mature about the relationship and you can move on, but it's hard being friends with someone you love very much so i would give it a while and distance myself from her and meet other people and then slowly start talking to her again. __________________ We are accidents waiting to happen.

14-10-2003, 03:14 AM	#6
Professor Peedston Coldplayer Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 8,126 Location: West Philadelphia Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	yeah, i guess that's one thing i forgot to mention, we pretty much agreed right off the bat that we're not going to see each other for awhile. i've never been in a situation where i actually wanted to keep in touch with an ex, but even i knew that was for the best. anyway, thanks for all of your thoughts! it's interesting to hear other people's experiences with it, because i get so caught up in thinking about myself that i forget that what may apply to me may not apply to everybody else (sounds obvious, i know) here's a weird observation: every "real" relationship i've ever had (which admittedly could be counted on one hand) has started with the girl chasing me and ended the other way around. am i prone to becoming too dependant and wanting to stay in the relationship more out of safety and familiarity than because i had any feelings for these girls? (i know for a fact that isn't the case with this most recent one, but it certailny poses an interesting question anyway) __________________ MY NAME IS TOM STOP I LIKE MUSIC AND BRIGHT RED SHOES STOP THIS INTERNET TELEGRAM SERVICE IS WONDERFUL STOP END

14-10-2003, 03:19 AM	#7
rf_ucsd Coldplayer Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 5,286 Location: San Diego Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Quote: Originally Posted by Tom Peed yeah, i guess that's one thing i forgot to mention, we pretty much agreed right off the bat that we're not going to see each other for awhile. i've never been in a situation where i actually wanted to keep in touch with an ex, but even i knew that was for the best. anyway, thanks for all of your thoughts! it's interesting to hear other people's experiences with it, because i get so caught up in thinking about myself that i forget that what may apply to me may not apply to everybody else (sounds obvious, i know) here's a weird observation: every "real" relationship i've ever had (which admittedly could be counted on one hand) has started with the girl chasing me and ended the other way around. am i prone to becoming too dependant and wanting to stay in the relationship more out of safety and familiarity than because i had any feelings for these girls? (i know for a fact that isn't the case with this most recent one, but it certailny poses an interesting question anyway) Re: the last paragraph ... that's not just you. that's EVERYBODY. the problem is that there's a reason the relationship ended in the first place. this is not to say all relationshpis, once ended, are over for good. but the security and confidence you get from a relationshpi can not be garnered anywhere else. however, people in a bad relationshpis tend to loose parts of themselves as they start adapting their personalities in efforts to confort to their partner. that shouldn't happen. __________________ \"There\'s a space in between / There\'s a space where we meet / Where I end and you begin / I\'m sorry for us / The dinosaurs walk the earth / The sky turns green / Where I end and you begin\" \"I don\'t know / Why you bother / Nothing\'s every good enough for you / I was there / It wasn\'t like that / You came here just to start a fight\" \"No I\'ll never get into your heart / I wouldn\'t know where to start / Never get into your heart / I\'m just happy to hang around / Happy to hang around\" \"Love boat captain take the reins / And lead us towards the cliff / I know it\'s all been said before / Can\'t be said enough / Love is all you need / All you need is love\" \"Mandy\"

14-10-2003, 07:32 AM	#8
girlstar Coldplayer Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 6,022 Location: innocent smile, running free Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	I couldn't even be just friends with a guy I liked for little more than oh, 3 weeks! __________________ [I\'m a Nutty Tree! And that makes me happy] [Lèa is my French Bitch King] [Ren is the prince of my sand castle. -V.I.M-] [Mr Lavigne is my sock rockin partner!] [Bek is my fellow aussie!] and so it is. just like you said it would be. life goes easy on me. most of the time

17-10-2003, 02:29 AM	#9
noni Coldplayer Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 12,166 Location: At work Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	It depends about the end of the relationship, of course... But, for my experience, I vote 'yes'. I've been with a guy for more than 4 years and now we're still friends. __________________ Mega Kirsten Berryman!! Mimi my fave queen Charlie my Turin Brakes sister Josie the lovely space girl Daryl my sangria partner Ren my little bro I miss the maniacsand my red hero

17-10-2003, 09:37 AM	#10
Leaver Totoro totoro Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 35,439 Location: Confessions on a Toilet seat Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Quote: Originally Posted by girlstar I couldn't even be just friends with a guy I liked* for little more than oh, 3 weeks!* __________________ LottababaEvitamadildoféAli tik tak Aha-ronPrincess sammie,Cow smurf sistas fifi and Sally Mastermoo JeSS Tena disfunctionnement? go there www.tena.com/problems.html*

18-10-2003, 07:35 AM	#11
LiquidSky >.< Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 43,820 My Mood: Location: Skyrocket To Mars Gender: Chat posts: 4 Thanks given: 63 Thanked 49 Times in 34 Posts	Quote: Originally Posted by Tom Peed yeah, i guess that's one thing i forgot to mention, we pretty much agreed right off the bat that we're not going to see each other for awhile. i've never been in a situation where i actually wanted to keep in touch with an ex, but even i knew that was for the best. anyway, thanks for all of your thoughts! it's interesting to hear other people's experiences with it, because i get so caught up in thinking about myself that i forget that what may apply to me may not apply to everybody else (sounds obvious, i know) here's a weird observation: every "real" relationship i've ever had (which admittedly could be counted on one hand) has started with the girl chasing me and ended the other way around. am i prone to becoming too dependant and wanting to stay in the relationship more out of safety and familiarity than because i had any feelings for these girls? (i know for a fact that isn't the case with this most recent one, but it certailny poses an interesting question anyway) well I hope you feel better... __________________

27-10-2003, 10:51 PM	#12
Sweet One carrots and champagne Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 27,267 Location: my little corner of the world Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	I'm good good friends with my most recent ex. I talk to him every night and it's going well....so far..... :/ __________________ My past is perilous, but each scar I bear sings monuments to where I have been and melodies to where I am going you make me happy, you magnify my better half.

28-10-2003, 01:11 AM	#13
Mojo Pin Kratos Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 35,758 My Mood: Gender: Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 8 Thanked 43 Times in 23 Posts	my ex wants me to die.. :/ __________________ I want to be someone else or I'll explode. Quote: Originally Posted by Lore;5465292 you can change it to Lorediohead

28-10-2003, 02:29 AM	#14
mycdplayerisbroke Coldplayer Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 12,444 Location: the great southwest Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	hahahahhahahahhaha __________________ at what age do you tell a highway its adopted?

28-10-2003, 03:39 PM	#15
LiquidSky >.< Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 43,820 My Mood: Location: Skyrocket To Mars Gender: Chat posts: 4 Thanks given: 63 Thanked 49 Times in 34 Posts	how harsh of them to say! __________________

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