[Daily Mail] Are Coldplay the worst thing that's happened to rock?(ADD YOUR COMMENT!)

busybeeburns · 13-06-2008, 10:18 AM

Add your comment - http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz...tml#addComment

Do you remember that terrifying scene at the end of Invasion Of The Body Snatchers when the nice, sweet girl goes up to Donald Sutherland, thinking he's still a trustworthy human, and he lets out a terrible, blood- curdling shriek which proves that - oh horror! - he too has had his body invaded by the vile, plant-like aliens?

Well, I think my wife went through a very similar experience in the car this week when I tried inflicting on her the new Coldplay album Viva La Vida.

'Oh come on. Don't be so prejudiced. It really isn't that bad,' I said. 'Yes it is bad! It's worse than bad. It's evil!' she said.

'Well, I'm sorry, but as a rock critic I'm paid to have an open mind and, actually, I think the title track's quite catchy,' I said.

It was then, glancing briefly across, that I caught the dawning horror in her eyes. The horror of a woman finally realising that her husband has lost the last vestiges of his sanity.

My wife was quite right, of course, as she usually is. Coldplay really are one of the very worst things to have happened to popular music in at least a decade.

But as I was reminded on that car journey, the real problem with Coldplay is not that their music is horrendously bad. Rather, it's that it's not quite bad enough to put off millions and millions of otherwise nice, sane, God-fearing folk from hurrying to the shops to buy it.

This is what makes Coldplay so insidiously dangerous.

They take all the most easily likeable bits from some of your favourite bands - the shimmery guitars and floating-in-space atmospherics of Pink Floyd, the soaring falsetto of Radiohead's Thom Yorke, the epic, anthem quality of U2 in their pomp - to create a sound exactly like the one you'd get if you programmed a super-computer to create 'pop/rock music most likely to fill stadia, sell records and alienate no one'.

As bad, if not worse, is the effect they've had on music, generally. Coldplay are almost certainly responsible for the emergence of a whole generation of anaemic simperers, with cracked, husky, oh-love-me-please-I'm-so-shy-and-sensitive voices, and slushy ballads - among the worst offenders being James Blunt.

The girls may like it, but it has about as much to do with the testosterone-fuelled spirit of rock 'n' roll rebellion as a bowl of organic tofu.

And if you think Coldplay's music is bland and generic, you should try listening to their lyrics. 'The future's for discovering/ The space in which we're travelling,' goes one typically profound couplet from their biggest selling (10 million) album to date, X&Y.

'What? You mean the future's not, as I'd always thought before, for finding out what happened yesterday?' you might teasingly ask.

But you never do, obviously, because that's not the point of Coldplay lyrics.

Their purpose is not to give new insights into the meaning of life or the secrets of the universe or even what it's like being a millionaire English rock star (Chris Martin) married to a Hollywood actress (Gwyneth Paltrow) with a daughter bafflingly named after the world's dullest fruit (Apple).

Rather, they're designed to generate exactly the right, crowd-pleasing blend of postmillennial angst, fake profundity, and touchy-feely, self-help manual positivity.

As to what his English teachers at his old public school, Sherborne, make of lines like 'You and me are floating on a tidal wave together/ You and me are drifting into outer space', I can only speculate. But I suspect they might well take issue with the hackneyed nature of the imagery (he'll be rhyming 'Moon' with 'June' next - always supposing he hasn't done so already).

If there's one thing Coldplay fans are most definitely not, it's critically discerning. Coldplay are for people who don't mind a bit of rock music, so long as it's had every last scrap of adventurousness, edginess, obscurity or difficulty - (all the things, in fact, that get real music lovers excited) - surgically removed.

The most obvious similarity is with Radiohead.

Coldplay formed in 1997, just when Radiohead were starting to become that rare thing - a band which is both critically admired and commercially enormous, and they've always had much in common. There's the fact that both went to public school, that they have lead singers who will insist on lecturing us ad nauseam on PC causes such as fair trade and global warming, and that musically they're very nearly like peas in a pod.

There's one crucial difference though. However catchy Radiohead's melodies, however honeyed the soaring vocals, you're never quite allowed to forget that this is chewy, intellectual, art-house rock which could off at a weird tangent any second. Coldplay never quite dare do that.

Resolutely mid-tempo and medium volume, their music's main purpose is not to frighten the horses. You can play it in your car, you can play it as background music at dinner parties, you could play it at a wedding or a funeral and nobody would much mind.

When record industry executives talk about bands who 'shift units' - as opposed to ' selling albums' - Coldplay (30million album sales, and counting) are their dream model.

In 2005, when it was announced that Coldplay X&Y was not, as previously expected, to be released in that fiscal year, the share price of their parent company EMI dropped by 15 per cent.

Little wonder that the record company's new boss, Guy Hands, described Viva La Vida 'the most anticipated album of the year'. By accountants, certainly, if not the critics.

If Coldplay were a virus, they wouldn't be Ebola - the feared tropical disease that boils your insides, but kills its hosts far too rapidly to cause a pandemic.

They'd be more like the common cold - absolutely everywhere and annoying when you catch it, but not quite so life threatening that you feel too ill or too embarrassed to stop spreading it round the rest of the office.

In other words, Coldplay aren't a threat to the very fabric of civilisation - just a ubiquitous pain with which we shall, I fear, have to learn to live for many years to come.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz...ened-rock.html

Stefan-C8 · 13-06-2008, 10:22 AM

KellieP · 13-06-2008, 10:28 AM

How much money did that guy get to write that?

everyone has their right to choosing who they like and don't like but it doesn't mean that you have to exploit your oppinion and try and prove your right. Everyone is different and everyone can make decisions for themselves. In my oppinion that guy is just voicing his oppinion of Coldplay and he needs to respect that Coldplay are people to and that what he says can be quite insulting to them.

P.S. Guy who wrote the article, I'll share my oppinion with you. I HATE YOU!

Clark · 13-06-2008, 10:52 AM

Whats up with the "Coldplay are Rubbish" bandwagon? i love the way at the start we admits that he quite liked it! A terrible piece of writing that is following other publications. Doesn't the Daily Mail think all music is evil anyway? you can't listen to MCR coz they are too dangerous and you can't listen to Coldplay coz they aren't dangerous enough. Wnkr!

rudy_o · 13-06-2008, 10:54 AM

^ agree!

Cobalt · 13-06-2008, 10:58 AM

Yeah. Sure.

Just because they've opened up a different type of rock apart from your standard rock'n'roll doesn't mean they suck

sasa08 · 13-06-2008, 11:07 AM

What to expect from someone who thinks an apple is 'dull'?? That says a lot about the person who wrote this.

Would be very funny if no one commented on his article

Ron Burgandy · 13-06-2008, 11:10 AM

Anything that comes from the Daily Mail or the red tops is not worth reading.

I havent even read the above article and i dont intend to. Its bound to be a load of rubbish.

busybeeburns · 13-06-2008, 11:15 AM

red tops?

Mimixxx · 13-06-2008, 11:16 AM

Another day, another slagging off.

Is it any wonder Chris finds it hard to trust journalists?

I despise the Mail and everything it stands for anyway, so I'm not reading this.

LifeInTechnicolor · 13-06-2008, 11:21 AM

I find all these negative comments quite funny. Coldplay are getting slammed by alot of critics. Not sure why...but maybe because they are in the soft rock category or maybe Chris Martin just doesn't have enough charisma of what a lead singer of a rock band should have. You gotta have a laugh

I just can't wait to buy the album tomorrow and I will be listening to it all day long. I hope I'm gonna like it

Ron Burgandy · 13-06-2008, 11:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by busybeeburns;2392117
red tops?

Sun
Mirror
Star
NOTW
People

twistedCLOCKS · 13-06-2008, 11:28 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by LifeInTechnicolor;2392122
I find all these negative comments quite funny. Coldplay are getting slammed by alot of critics. Not sure why...but maybe because they are in the soft rock category or maybe Chris Martin just doesn't have enough charisma of what a lead singer of a rock band should have. You gotta have a laugh I just can't wait to buy the album tomorrow and I will be listening to it all day long. I hope I'm gonna like it

it's jealousy i say. people just want to find faults in everything and everyone.

Mimixxx · 13-06-2008, 11:31 AM

Not jealousy, I think it's more to do with wanting publicity and it's working.

I can't believe how bad it's been this time around, this is now the FOURTH attack on them in a few weeks. It must be so disheartening.

twistedCLOCKS · 13-06-2008, 11:37 AM

and that's what i wouldn't be able to handle ^

it's funny how when the media or whatever has a go at a "famous" person they are expected to cope it and if they act like they are effected by it, more shit is given to them.......but then again if i was that famous (coldplay that is) and had that kind of success i wouldnt give a shit cos clearly the good out weighs the bad.

13-06-2008, 10:18 AM	#1
busybeeburns mr coldplaying himself Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 46,333 My Mood: Location: test Gender: Country: Seen CP: 20 times Fav. CP album: X&Y Fav. CP song: GPASUYF Fav. CP member: Chat posts: 4 Thanks given: 1,548 Thanked 934 Times in 420 Posts	[Daily Mail] Are Coldplay the worst thing that's happened to rock?(ADD YOUR COMMENT!) Add your comment - http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz...tml#addComment Do you remember that terrifying scene at the end of Invasion Of The Body Snatchers when the nice, sweet girl goes up to Donald Sutherland, thinking he's still a trustworthy human, and he lets out a terrible, blood- curdling shriek which proves that - oh horror! - he too has had his body invaded by the vile, plant-like aliens? Well, I think my wife went through a very similar experience in the car this week when I tried inflicting on her the new Coldplay album Viva La Vida. 'Oh come on. Don't be so prejudiced. It really isn't that bad,' I said. 'Yes it is bad! It's worse than bad. It's evil!' she said. 'Well, I'm sorry, but as a rock critic I'm paid to have an open mind and, actually, I think the title track's quite catchy,' I said. It was then, glancing briefly across, that I caught the dawning horror in her eyes. The horror of a woman finally realising that her husband has lost the last vestiges of his sanity. My wife was quite right, of course, as she usually is. Coldplay really are one of the very worst things to have happened to popular music in at least a decade. But as I was reminded on that car journey, the real problem with Coldplay is not that their music is horrendously bad. Rather, it's that it's not quite bad enough to put off millions and millions of otherwise nice, sane, God-fearing folk from hurrying to the shops to buy it. This is what makes Coldplay so insidiously dangerous. They take all the most easily likeable bits from some of your favourite bands - the shimmery guitars and floating-in-space atmospherics of Pink Floyd, the soaring falsetto of Radiohead's Thom Yorke, the epic, anthem quality of U2 in their pomp - to create a sound exactly like the one you'd get if you programmed a super-computer to create 'pop/rock music most likely to fill stadia, sell records and alienate no one'. As bad, if not worse, is the effect they've had on music, generally. Coldplay are almost certainly responsible for the emergence of a whole generation of anaemic simperers, with cracked, husky, oh-love-me-please-I'm-so-shy-and-sensitive voices, and slushy ballads - among the worst offenders being James Blunt. The girls may like it, but it has about as much to do with the testosterone-fuelled spirit of rock 'n' roll rebellion as a bowl of organic tofu. And if you think Coldplay's music is bland and generic, you should try listening to their lyrics. 'The future's for discovering/ The space in which we're travelling,' goes one typically profound couplet from their biggest selling (10 million) album to date, X&Y. 'What? You mean the future's not, as I'd always thought before, for finding out what happened yesterday?' you might teasingly ask. But you never do, obviously, because that's not the point of Coldplay lyrics. Their purpose is not to give new insights into the meaning of life or the secrets of the universe or even what it's like being a millionaire English rock star (Chris Martin) married to a Hollywood actress (Gwyneth Paltrow) with a daughter bafflingly named after the world's dullest fruit (Apple). Rather, they're designed to generate exactly the right, crowd-pleasing blend of postmillennial angst, fake profundity, and touchy-feely, self-help manual positivity. As to what his English teachers at his old public school, Sherborne, make of lines like 'You and me are floating on a tidal wave together/ You and me are drifting into outer space', I can only speculate. But I suspect they might well take issue with the hackneyed nature of the imagery (he'll be rhyming 'Moon' with 'June' next - always supposing he hasn't done so already). If there's one thing Coldplay fans are most definitely not, it's critically discerning. Coldplay are for people who don't mind a bit of rock music, so long as it's had every last scrap of adventurousness, edginess, obscurity or difficulty - (all the things, in fact, that get real music lovers excited) - surgically removed. The most obvious similarity is with Radiohead. Coldplay formed in 1997, just when Radiohead were starting to become that rare thing - a band which is both critically admired and commercially enormous, and they've always had much in common. There's the fact that both went to public school, that they have lead singers who will insist on lecturing us ad nauseam on PC causes such as fair trade and global warming, and that musically they're very nearly like peas in a pod. There's one crucial difference though. However catchy Radiohead's melodies, however honeyed the soaring vocals, you're never quite allowed to forget that this is chewy, intellectual, art-house rock which could off at a weird tangent any second. Coldplay never quite dare do that. Resolutely mid-tempo and medium volume, their music's main purpose is not to frighten the horses. You can play it in your car, you can play it as background music at dinner parties, you could play it at a wedding or a funeral and nobody would much mind. When record industry executives talk about bands who 'shift units' - as opposed to ' selling albums' - Coldplay (30million album sales, and counting) are their dream model. In 2005, when it was announced that Coldplay X&Y was not, as previously expected, to be released in that fiscal year, the share price of their parent company EMI dropped by 15 per cent. Little wonder that the record company's new boss, Guy Hands, described Viva La Vida 'the most anticipated album of the year'. By accountants, certainly, if not the critics. If Coldplay were a virus, they wouldn't be Ebola - the feared tropical disease that boils your insides, but kills its hosts far too rapidly to cause a pandemic. They'd be more like the common cold - absolutely everywhere and annoying when you catch it, but not quite so life threatening that you feel too ill or too embarrassed to stop spreading it round the rest of the office. In other words, Coldplay aren't a threat to the very fabric of civilisation - just a ubiquitous pain with which we shall, I fear, have to learn to live for many years to come. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz...ened-rock.html __________________ The early bird catches the worm. The second mouse gets the cheese!

13-06-2008, 10:28 AM	#3
KellieP Coldplayer Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 493 My Mood: Location: Australia Gender: Country: Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 2 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	How much money did that guy get to write that? everyone has their right to choosing who they like and don't like but it doesn't mean that you have to exploit your oppinion and try and prove your right. Everyone is different and everyone can make decisions for themselves. In my oppinion that guy is just voicing his oppinion of Coldplay and he needs to respect that Coldplay are people to and that what he says can be quite insulting to them. P.S. Guy who wrote the article, I'll share my oppinion with you. I HATE YOU! __________________ Those who are dead are not dead, they're just living in my head. And since I fell, for that spell, I am living there as well.

13-06-2008, 10:54 AM	#5
rudy_o Joy, it's all founded Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 34,615 Location: Wisconsin Gender: Country: Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 2 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	^ agree! __________________ last.fm \| tumblr Lover, the weather is changing everyday. I won't.

13-06-2008, 10:58 AM	#6
Cobalt OH SUCH THE SHAME! Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 18,297 My Mood: Location: Melbourne, Australia Gender: Country: Chat posts: 10 Thanks given: 159 Thanked 164 Times in 119 Posts	Yeah. Sure. Just because they've opened up a different type of rock apart from your standard rock'n'roll doesn't mean they suck __________________ my quotes are old and my body is weary this space for rent

13-06-2008, 11:10 AM	#8
Ron Burgandy Coldplayer Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 165 Location: Hertfordshire Country: Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Anything that comes from the Daily Mail or the red tops is not worth reading. I havent even read the above article and i dont intend to. Its bound to be a load of rubbish. __________________ Earls Court 2003 V Festival 2003 Camden Koko X&Y Album Launch 2005 Crystal Palace 2005 Earls Court 2005 BBC Central Studios 2008 The O2 Arena 2008 O2 Shepherds Bush Empire 2009 Wembley Stadium 2009

13-06-2008, 10:22 AM	#2
Stefan-C8 I hate flowers Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 4,511 Gender: Country: Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 1 Thanked 13 Times in 7 Posts

13-06-2008, 10:52 AM	#4
Clark Coldplayer Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 87 Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Whats up with the "Coldplay are Rubbish" bandwagon? i love the way at the start we admits that he quite liked it! A terrible piece of writing that is following other publications. Doesn't the Daily Mail think all music is evil anyway? you can't listen to MCR coz they are too dangerous and you can't listen to Coldplay coz they aren't dangerous enough. Wnkr!

13-06-2008, 11:07 AM	#7
sasa08 Coldplayer Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 47 My Mood: Location: In my place Gender: Country: Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	What to expect from someone who thinks an apple is 'dull'?? That says a lot about the person who wrote this. Would be very funny if no one commented on his article

13-06-2008, 11:15 AM	#9
busybeeburns mr coldplaying himself Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 46,333 My Mood: Location: test Gender: Country: Seen CP: 20 times Fav. CP album: X&Y Fav. CP song: GPASUYF Fav. CP member: Chat posts: 4 Thanks given: 1,548 Thanked 934 Times in 420 Posts	red tops? __________________ The early bird catches the worm. The second mouse gets the cheese!

13-06-2008, 11:16 AM	#10
Mimixxx If we could float away... Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 42,489 My Mood: Location: London Gender: Country: Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	Another day, another slagging off. Is it any wonder Chris finds it hard to trust journalists? I despise the Mail and everything it stands for anyway, so I'm not reading this. __________________ M

13-06-2008, 11:21 AM	#11
LifeInTechnicolor Coldplayer Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 24 Location: Melbourne Gender: Country: Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	I find all these negative comments quite funny. Coldplay are getting slammed by alot of critics. Not sure why...but maybe because they are in the soft rock category or maybe Chris Martin just doesn't have enough charisma of what a lead singer of a rock band should have. You gotta have a laugh I just can't wait to buy the album tomorrow and I will be listening to it all day long. I hope I'm gonna like it

13-06-2008, 11:24 AM	#12
Ron Burgandy Coldplayer Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 165 Location: Hertfordshire Country: Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Quote: Originally Posted by busybeeburns;2392117 red tops? Sun Mirror Star NOTW People __________________ Earls Court 2003 V Festival 2003 Camden Koko X&Y Album Launch 2005 Crystal Palace 2005 Earls Court 2005 BBC Central Studios 2008 The O2 Arena 2008 O2 Shepherds Bush Empire 2009 Wembley Stadium 2009

13-06-2008, 11:28 AM	#13
twistedCLOCKS Twisted Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 1,468 Gender: Country: Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Quote: Originally Posted by LifeInTechnicolor;2392122 I find all these negative comments quite funny. Coldplay are getting slammed by alot of critics. Not sure why...but maybe because they are in the soft rock category or maybe Chris Martin just doesn't have enough charisma of what a lead singer of a rock band should have. You gotta have a laugh I just can't wait to buy the album tomorrow and I will be listening to it all day long. I hope I'm gonna like it it's jealousy i say. people just want to find faults in everything and everyone. __________________

13-06-2008, 11:31 AM	#14
Mimixxx If we could float away... Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 42,489 My Mood: Location: London Gender: Country: Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	Not jealousy, I think it's more to do with wanting publicity and it's working. I can't believe how bad it's been this time around, this is now the FOURTH attack on them in a few weeks. It must be so disheartening. __________________ M

13-06-2008, 11:37 AM	#15
twistedCLOCKS Twisted Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 1,468 Gender: Country: Chat posts: 0 Thanks given: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	and that's what i wouldn't be able to handle ^ it's funny how when the media or whatever has a go at a "famous" person they are expected to cope it and if they act like they are effected by it, more shit is given to them.......but then again if i was that famous (coldplay that is) and had that kind of success i wouldnt give a shit cos clearly the good out weighs the bad. __________________