My family's falling apart, please help?

[Coldplay]

edited out

[NumbersGirl]

Show your sister this thread. I'm being serious. You've succinctly summarized things here and it would probably be a good springboard for the ensuing conversation.

[Mojo Pin]

I just sent you a PM Dee Dee :hug:

[Cyan Kat]

I don't really know what to say, other than you really need to make your sister see sense.

[Coldplay]

Show your sister this thread. I'm being serious. You've succinctly summarized things here and it would probably be a good springboard for the ensuing conversation.
Thanks. I want to, but I'm kind of scared. We're so close, we've never fought.
But yeah, this is serious and I will talk to her.

EDIT: Thanks Rennie :hug:

[Empily]

Maybe your sister and her husband are struggling with rent because actors find it hard to find work generally. To earn the money you're talking about they would have to constantly be in work which it doesn't sound like they are if they just constantly roam around the house all day.
But tbh your sister and her husband should probably have moved out by now. I know you want to be together with them but surely by now they would maybe be thinking about having children and starting a family on their own? and probably if they left the protective wing that is your moms house they might stop lazing around so much idk.
They may even come back home after a bit after realiseing that they have to completely fend for themselves :tongue:

But then idk I think I'm presuming a few things here. Please tell me if I'm on the right track or not.

[Petit Prince]

What you're saying makes sense but they probably won't listen to you because you're quite young. Also it's your mum's flat so it's her decision at the end of the day. She should talk to them and tell them how much she's struggling. I don't think they should be living with you with they don't at least try to find a job (as in another part-time job so they have a regular income) so they can contribute towards the rent.

[Coldplay]

I know I might sound a little insensitive to the situation and I'm sorry.

My sister has tried to live on her own before and she came back after a year because she didn't know how to manage her money too well.

It's my mom's decision, I just wanted to know what other people think and if someone can give me some good advice so I can help my family make a decision. Thanks.

[Reilly]

Dee firstly that really sucks about your sleeping situation, everyone needs some privacy and really I'd struggle with that so much. Also, they eat and watch you sleep?! What the fuck. Like go munch on a choco bar and watch Dee sleep for a bit, passes the time...

I really think that there hasn't been enough communication with your sister, she doesn't pay rent? I mean, no offence I know she's your sister, but she should have a bit more sense, her husband as well, and as adults they should realise it's highly unfair to just live off someone else at that age. It isn't like shes 19, at some point you need to pay your way.

I hate to say this but if it's costing you money to keep them there and the situation is so dire that you might actually be looking at being homeless, then your sister needs an ultimatum, clearly if things are that out of control and she still hasn't woken up to the reality of the situation, then regardless of how much you want to keep everything together, it's sad but how else can she see that she needs to do something?

Does she clearly understand the difference she could make?

[Petit Prince]

I know I might sound a little insensitive to the situation and I'm sorry.

My sister has tried to live on her own before and she came back after a year because she didn't know how to manage her money too well.

It's my mom's decision, I just wanted to know what other people think and if someone can give me some good advice so I can help my family make a decision. Thanks.

I don't think you do to be honest.

I'm sure your sister would have tried to find another job a long time ago if your mum wasn't paying the rent.

[Reilly]

I don't think you do to be honest.

I'm sure your sister would have tried to find another job a long time ago if your mum wasn't paying the rent.

:nod:

[Brent]

Sounds like a shitty situation.

A lot of it isn't that they don't understand that you work really hard. It probably has to do with the age difference. For example, I've gone through a ton more education than anyone in my family ever has, and I'm on the road to get an MD/PhD but my brother, being older and clutching his G.E.D. in hand, will always get more respect because he's older than me.

You're even younger than I relative to your sister, which means that the gap in respect is even wider. I wouldn't take it, therefore, as you not working or anything (I'm sure they're pretty aware) it's just that the older person gets crap. And that's the way it will always be.

Now, as far as I'm concerned, it sounds like a pretty shitty situation no matter what you do. Your sister seems like an underachiever to say the least. You need to examine her character (remove the familial bond as an element to consider) and whether you want that character in your life. Some things are worth more than money:

1. Is she a good person?
2. Does she play a big role in your/your mom's life?
3. Does she hold compatible values with you?

etc.

Now, assuming you decide to keep her around, no matter when you will need to set some ground rules. While it seems that she is pretty hard to deal with, she will always respond to solidarity. You need to coordinate with your mom, decide what you want from them, and tell her quite simply. If she's a bitch about it, then fuck it. She clearly isn't compatible with you guys. Get her the fuck out.

Something tells me that isn't the case. People generally will respond if you talk to them calmly and confidently. At least in my experience this is the case, 9 times out of 10. Some people are just assholes though.

As far as the money thing goes, it would be worth it to get into debt to be happy. Love, solidarity and family are more important than money, and if it's important to get along with your sister and the only way to get along with her is to get her to leave, then so be it. Believe it or not, having this little bit of family is better than having none.

Let me know if I misunderstood anything but I'm pretty sure I get it. Keep us updated :nice:

[Coldplay]

UPDATE: Okay, my mom has found a house for us to rent (I'd have my own bedroom).
It's pretty fucking expensive (more than the rent for our apartment and business combined) but her idea is that she can run the business out of the tiny yard. :shame:
There are 3 other options, (two stores the same size as ours but it would probably be more expensive and we'd still have family problems)
and a huge moldy building that is cheap (but we'd have to take a loan to add things that would make it safe for living, even just working, plus it's probably illegal to live in it), but they are being flooded with offers so I don't know if we have a chance.

My sister and her husband have agreed to live in the house with us and pay nearly double the rent we do now. Yeah, we'll see how that goes...

[Destrokk]

I´m sorry Dee :sad: I don´t really have anything to say I don´t think I can just judge on what you should do with some text. It´s an economic issue and theres not really much you can do. The best thing you can do is just focus on your studies and struggle through :hug:

Or just talk to them directly, if they arent doing what they promised show them how upset you are about it. Give them the silent treatment. I DON´T KNOW :bigcry:

[Coldplay]

Dee firstly that really sucks about your sleeping situation, everyone needs some privacy and really I'd struggle with that so much. Also, they eat and watch you sleep?! What the fuck. Like go munch on a choco bar and watch Dee sleep for a bit, passes the time...

I really think that there hasn't been enough communication with your sister, she doesn't pay rent? I mean, no offence I know she's your sister, but she should have a bit more sense, her husband as well, and as adults they should realise it's highly unfair to just live off someone else at that age. It isn't like shes 19, at some point you need to pay your way.

I hate to say this but if it's costing you money to keep them there and the situation is so dire that you might actually be looking at being homeless, then your sister needs an ultimatum, clearly if things are that out of control and she still hasn't woken up to the reality of the situation, then regardless of how much you want to keep everything together, it's sad but how else can she see that she needs to do something?

Does she clearly understand the difference she could make?
Sounds like a shitty situation.

A lot of it isn't that they don't understand that you work really hard. It probably has to do with the age difference. For example, I've gone through a ton more education than anyone in my family ever has, and I'm on the road to get an MD/PhD but my brother, being older and clutching his G.E.D. in hand, will always get more respect because he's older than me.

You're even younger than I relative to your sister, which means that the gap in respect is even wider. I wouldn't take it, therefore, as you not working or anything (I'm sure they're pretty aware) it's just that the older person gets crap. And that's the way it will always be.

Now, as far as I'm concerned, it sounds like a pretty shitty situation no matter what you do. Your sister seems like an underachiever to say the least. You need to examine her character (remove the familial bond as an element to consider) and whether you want that character in your life. Some things are worth more than money:

1. Is she a good person?
2. Does she play a big role in your/your mom's life?
3. Does she hold compatible values with you?

etc.

Now, assuming you decide to keep her around, no matter when you will need to set some ground rules. While it seems that she is pretty hard to deal with, she will always respond to solidarity. You need to coordinate with your mom, decide what you want from them, and tell her quite simply. If she's a bitch about it, then fuck it. She clearly isn't compatible with you guys. Get her the fuck out.

Something tells me that isn't the case. People generally will respond if you talk to them calmly and confidently. At least in my experience this is the case, 9 times out of 10. Some people are just assholes though.

As far as the money thing goes, it would be worth it to get into debt to be happy. Love, solidarity and family are more important than money, and if it's important to get along with your sister and the only way to get along with her is to get her to leave, then so be it. Believe it or not, having this little bit of family is better than having none.

Let me know if I misunderstood anything but I'm pretty sure I get it. Keep us updated :nice:
Thanks guys, helpful replies.
My sister is really a smart girl, and she is a good person, one of the most kind-hearted people I know. She's just trying to live her dreams by acting and she hasn't seen yet that this lifestyle is really not working out.
She talks often of getting multiple degrees while being a millionaire actress but I haven't seen her take any step towards it yet. It's not hard to get a degree here, anyone can start from a community college.
She's been talking for years about being a translator in the 5 languages she speaks, she hasn't done much about that yet.
She is so talented, I don't know why she puts herself in a position like this. You see, this is why I don't want to be mad at her. She deserves the best job with all the work she put in growing up and now it's like...she's stuck. She's drifted away. My mom, too, is stuck in some ways. But she works very very hard.
Before she moves out, she needs to be taught to be responsible and to learn the value of money. And she won't learn that unless she's independent, so it's kinda a catch-22. Because if we just throw her out, she'll come running back and how could someone tell a part of their family to just fuck off and figure out a way to be more responsible?

I feel like we will be stuck like this until I'm old enough to bring in some money and help everyone seperate. Maybe this is what all this college crap I've been doing is meant for.

[Brent]

That was resolved quickly

Kinda anticlimactic Dee geez :angry:


Naw I'm glad it's working out :hug:
I'll keep yo family in my thoughts I guess. Only cuz I gotz nuthin else to do or whatever *tries to be tough*

[Brent]

And remain optimistic. I've found oftentimes when I'm struggling my optimism is all I really have. Gotta give props to your sister for that.

[Coldplay]

That was resolved quickly

Kinda anticlimactic Dee geez :angry:


Naw I'm glad it's working out :hug:
I'll keep yo family in my thoughts I guess. Only cuz I gotz nuthin else to do or whatever *tries to be tough*
It's not really a resolution, I just wanted to let you guys know that we've found some options. We haven't made any offers or had an official discussion with the landlords or anything. And we still have to learn how to live with each other. But thank you.
:hug: And thank you for your support and helpful replies.

EDIT: no i love being a pessimist : (

[Reilly]

If she speaks 5 different languages I promise whatever the economic climate of your area is, there is always opportunities for people who know multiple languages. Even knowing 2 different languages presents options if you look into it.

[Brent]

If she speaks 5 different languages I promise whatever the economic climate of your area is, there is always opportunities for people who know multiple languages. Even knowing 2 different languages presents options if you look into it.

This is true.

I have a friend who speaks perfect Bosnian and perfect English. She paid her way through college being a translator.

[Reilly]

Also from the handful of people I've known who've used translating as a job, it's really relaxed work, and can be very simple (Obviously if you know the language). For example one of them translated simple children's science from English to Mexican, worked on her own terms as she got paid by how many words she did, and made a LOT of money from it from only the age of 19, I mean it was better paid then what most specified degrees will get you a job once you've settled into a career.

Or another person worked translating for call centres, or directories, they were there for translating Spanish to English only, and again got well paid in a very relaxed atmosphere (Not many calls to deal with). But they had someone in there who spoke like 6 languages or something, so because they were multi-lingual and basically this meant they covered what a whole group of people could (Though they had more calls of course) and got paid 3 times more then the rest. There's a lot of money in it.

Going slightly off topic soz, but any type of translating job sounds very simple and well paid, so it'd be a huge opportunity.

[Kiame]

Also from the handful of people I've known who've used translating as a job, it's really relaxed work, and can be very simple (Obviously if you know the language). For example one of them translated simple children's science from English to Mexican, worked on her own terms as she got paid by how many words she did, and made a LOT of money from it from only the age of 19, I mean it was better paid then what most specified degrees will get you a job once you've settled into a career.

Or another person worked translating for call centres, or directories, they were there for translating Spanish to English only, and again got well paid in a very relaxed atmosphere (Not many calls to deal with). But they had someone in there who spoke like 6 languages or something, so because they were multi-lingual and basically this meant they covered what a whole group of people could (Though they had more calls of course) and got paid 3 times more then the rest. There's a lot of money in it.

Going slightly off topic soz, but any type of translating job sounds very simple and well paid, so it'd be a huge opportunity.

My little sister is a linguist in the Air Force. I pity her tremendously. She's been smacked in the head already and she is only a month in.

--

I'm so sorry to hear this Dee. It must be hard for you and I admire your ability to work so hard with your schooling in a time like this. I know it's not easy for you and you have my thoughts.

I've typed my advice to you out about 10 times and I don't think it's a good idea to post it. I think I lack the ability to be open minded and considerate on this and I don't think my natural response to this would be a good one.

:hug:

[Karencorpse]

Here are some other options that you may or may not like that you might want to check out:
Section 8 housing for single moms
If you loose your business, if it is selling then sell at the swap meet
One of those fold up wall barriers that Chinese people use in their restaurents or a homemade barrier. I had a roommate who had a barrier made to surround his bed which was in the front room and I had roommates who seperated their beds with one

[Coldplay]

My little sister is a linguist in the Air Force. I pity her tremendously. She's been smacked in the head already and she is only a month in.

--

I'm so sorry to hear this Dee. It must be hard for you and I admire your ability to work so hard with your schooling in a time like this. I know it's not easy for you and you have my thoughts.

I've typed my advice to you out about 10 times and I don't think it's a good idea to post it. I think I lack the ability to be open minded and considerate on this and I don't think my natural response to this would be a good one.

:hug:
I'm sorry about your sister, Kiame.
Literally smacked in the head? Or is that an expression? The way it is here, it's forbidden to even think about putting your hand on an employee...

Then PM it. I'm curious as to what you think.
Here are some other options that you may or may not like that you might want to check out:
Section 8 housing for single moms
If you loose your business, if it is selling then sell at the swap meet
One of those fold up wall barriers that Chinese people use in their restaurents or a homemade barrier. I had a roommate who had a barrier made to surround his bed which was in the front room and I had roommates who seperated their beds with one
Thanks, no idea what Section 8 is but I shall look it up.

[Reilly]

My little sister is a linguist in the Air Force. I pity her tremendously. She's been smacked in the head already and she is only a month in.

Y U DESTROY MY ADVICE MEANIE :veryangry2:

Nah, sorry to hear that Kiame, obviously some jobs are not as easy as others. Hope she's ok.

[Brent]

Nah, sorry to hear that Kiame, obviously some jobs are not as easy as others. Hope she's ok.

Awww that was nice Reilly :nice:

lol ur gay

[Kiame]

I love Reilly.










and you, brent. And dee.

But no one else.

Except maybe someone else.

[Brent]

Except maybe someone else.

You know that's not true

[Karencorpse]

Tell the old man to get a job. Some actors wait on tables in restaurents where producers and others in the acting business go. I ad roommates who worked with actresses at their job. Being a host or hostess gets more approval from rich people than wairtress for some strange reason.

[Megalomania]

I feel so sorry for you Dee, you don't deserve this. :hug:


I've never been in a situation like this, but it's not uncommon. My friend's parents are divorced, and she's living with her father. Her father is getting remarried, and the woman he's engaged to's daughter is an absolute bum. She dropped out of college, and is honest to God to lazy to work. She's 24, and her brother kicked her out of his apartment. My friend is now having to deal with the drama this girl is causing, because her dad is angry that she's not contributing money to the house.

Obviously it's not my place at all to say anything, but from seeing another situation like yours, I would suggest talking to your mom about it? (sorry I only read the op so I might have missed something you said somewhere else on the thread) Your mom (most likely) has a lot more authority over your sister and she'd be more likely to listen to your mom. And she should maybe try threatening them with kicking them out if they don't start contributing? Even if she never has to do that maybe it would be a wake-up call.


But I'd stress talking with all of them (family meeting!), sometimes all you need to do is talk it out.

Good luck Dee :hug:



edit: and that's what I get for not reading the thread. I'm glad it's resolved at least for the time being Dee, but if you ever want to talk you can PM me or send me a message on facebook okay? :kiss:

[Kiame]

What's the go with the change of title?

Dee hates us now.

[Coldplay]

sorry

[Reilly]

I'm not sure if I read this title right but for some reason I feel a little dissed that its only maybe Reilly when I do care about this. :( I thought I had a new BFF.

God this is awk.

[Megalomania]

Oh my God I thought only people in my school said "awk". :surprised:

[Kiame]

I'm not sure if I read this title right but for some reason I feel a little dissed that its only maybe Reilly when I do care about this. :( I thought I had a new BFF.

God this is awk.

You gave out some pretty stella advice too and have been lovely.

Awks.

[Coldplay]

I'm not sure if I read this title right but for some reason I feel a little dissed that its only maybe Reilly when I do care about this. :( I thought I had a new BFF.

God this is awk.
I was only joking :disappointed:
You've been very helpful.

[Brent]

Wait am I not loved :huh:

[Coldplay]

you guys

[Kiame]

Take one moment to stop being a douchebag and saying 'LOL TL;DR' and help me out.



Who has said this to you? I've read over the thread a million times now.

[Coldplay]

That was the original post, I was referring to what people have said in the past about other threads with long posts

[Reilly]

I know you were joking Dee but I wanted to make the thread all about ME ME ME :(

And now it is :cheesy:

[Kiame]

I know you were joking Dee but I wanted to make the thread all about ME ME ME :(

And now it is :cheesy:

congrats! :vuvuzela:

[Brent]

I want a thread

[Reilly]

http://coldplaying.com/forum/showthread.php?t=92445

Done.

I made it at the risk that Dee might change the title so this threads about Brent. :nod:

We boys are such bitches. :huh:

[Brent]

I'm no bitch :huh:

[Coldplay]

Ooh, congrats :wacko:
I had a thread when I first joined but it died after a few pages

JUST LIKE MY SOUL

[Reilly]

I could make a thread for you Dee but right now I'm struggling to keep up posting with the other ones, VMs and PMs. :(

[Coldplay]

That wasn't a request for one hahaha
It's not really necessary, it's just another off-topic thread
But thank you! :heart:

[Coldplay]

Semi-update:
My mom has found a new place to run her store that's about the same size and price as the place she rents now. She's making a deal with the landlord of that place. Business is pretty good lately and I think in a few years we'll all have the money to work things out. Nobody's fighting and things are back to the way they are.
Thanks for your replies :)

[Empily]

Glad to hear it Dee :wacko:

Also your sig kinda freaks me out D:

[Destrokk]

i love your sig

its amazing

its incredible :heart:

[LiquidSky]

Semi-update:
My mom has found a new place to run her store that's about the same size and price as the place she rents now. She's making a deal with the landlord of that place. Business is pretty good lately and I think in a few years we'll all have the money to work things out. Nobody's fighting and things are back to the way they are.
Thanks for your replies :)

Kinda late, but I just wanted to mention that... maybe not be so hard on your sister? She sounds like she really is depressed. Maybe she feels like a failure since she isn't living the dream she desires. Depressed people tend to sleep a lot, have very little motivation, mood swings. Maybe she's even suicidal? People always assume other people are "ok" until something drastic or unfortunate happens. Don't belittle your sister or push her away.. she is after all your sister & about her husband.. nobody knows what kind of marriage anyone has so all your mom and you can do is just advice her and maybe talk to the husband.. ask him some questions. What are his plans? What does he think? How are things with him and your sister? People divorce all the time so maybe he won't always be there with her? Anyway, those are just some things to think about. But happy to hear things are going well now :hug:

[Coldplay]

Kinda late, but I just wanted to mention that... maybe not be so hard on your sister? She sounds like she really is depressed. Maybe she feels like a failure since she isn't living the dream she desires. Depressed people tend to sleep a lot, have very little motivation, mood swings. Maybe she's even suicidal? People always assume other people are "ok" until something drastic or unfortunate happens. Don't belittle your sister or push her away.. she is after all your sister & about her husband.. nobody knows what kind of marriage anyone has so all your mom and you can do is just advice her and maybe talk to the husband.. ask him some questions. What are his plans? What does he think? How are things with him and your sister? People divorce all the time so maybe he won't always be there with her? Anyway, those are just some things to think about. But happy to hear things are going well now :hug:
Yes, I realize now that I was acting really insensitive. It's mainly because I was genuinely scared of being homeless/losing our main income.
I think most of my family's got it pretty bad, but my sister is the most depressed, I agree with you. She's not always down, maybe that's why I overlooked it and I'm sorry.
I would never talk to her like this, I just wanted a place to vent and this was the most convenient because I don't really have anyone IRL to share my problems with and this would give me the quickest feedback.
Thanks for being so nice to me and for the advice :)
I'll edit out the first posts for now, don't really like angry me.

[LiquidSky]

Yes, I realize now that I was acting really insensitive. It's mainly because I was genuinely scared of being homeless/losing our main income.
I think most of my family's got it pretty bad, but my sister is the most depressed, I agree with you. She's not always down, maybe that's why I overlooked it and I'm sorry.
I would never talk to her like this, I just wanted a place to vent and this was the most convenient because I don't really have anyone IRL to share my problems with and this would give me the quickest feedback.
Thanks for being so nice to me and for the advice :)
I'll edit out the first posts for now, don't really like angry me.

Any time :hug:

[Reilly]

Yes, I realize now that I was acting really insensitive. It's mainly because I was genuinely scared of being homeless/losing our main income.

Do you mean insensitive towards her or insensitive about her on here? If she is depressed or disappointed in her life then she should at least express that, from what you wrote she seems impossible to get through to. We should all sympathise with people who have problems, to an extent, if she is depressed and can't even talk about it then she's going to be in even more of a rut.